Hi.. todae is the last day of school before the june holidays hehez..i got a medal for my academic performance last yr.. happie hehez
Todae my lao pa (jasper) finally brought my present lolx .. a doggie it was damn cute and the four of us were playing with it during the assembly.
We went to class and played cards and chatted and played with xin's hair ( even miss soh laughed when she saw it hahaz).. then it was ten we were supposed to be dismissed but i think miss soh forgot the time so i reminded her..hehez then we were... DISMISSED.. lolx.. the june holidays are coming le but i guess will be pretty boring for me too haiz
He gotta work.. my friends got softballs and linh's goin back to vietnam.. though he say will try to accompany me but i think i better dun have high hopes coz well i am just to tired to even be angry or anything.. dunno why feelings for me seems to have fade off slowly.. probably now i realise wad i really want bahz.. though not beri clear but maybe ... somehow now i feel that maybe it is just over relying on someone.. tue meaning of love? i dunno.. probably just a illusion as u try to forget but like i say shun qi zi ran bahz..dun wanna be too emotional or sensitive now coz we all need time to find out .. for me is to find out if i really still feel ... for him or just used to rely on a person..
guess people only will treasure the other party if they dun get them easily.. and we tend to not treasure the happiness around us.. hearts are broken because we dun cherish .. easier said than done..
felt sorry when i saw him and....him just now at the same place.. like i say things that comes easily will not be treasured maybe its the kinda feeling of the more u cannot get hold of sth or someone the more uu wanna get hold of it and cherish it more bahz.. hahaz nvm dunno wad i trying to say but just feel that feelings do fade off after sometimes even if there is no third party.. like i say nth last foreva and neber promise me foreva unless uu really mean forever
Wei xiong thought i like someone for rank at first coz my feelings for the person fade off after we are together in the past.. not douglas .. is someone else.. but it is just coincidental that they both have rank and if i really am that kinda person i will like jing kai le la diaoz.. but lucky wx say now he noe i am not that kinda person so phew.. or else even my frenz think i am lie that i think i am a failure..anyway forget abt it coz todae i saw the person but i said hi.. he neber reply maybe is he neber see bahz anyway haiz.. nvm
I only noe now my feelings come and go.. he angry with me yesterdae for not trusting him a lot.. but in the past i trusted him too much and the one hurt deeply is still me .. i long ago alreadi told him b4 i cannot trust him with all my heart now there will be a gap though we both will cherish more..he said he will understand but i guess he did not really understand my feelings..
Something pulled me back.. all i know is u're not here to say wad u always used to say when everything goes wrong.. uu were happie then.. i was heartborken then.. The one who cheered me up and console me is not uu.. is mysself and my friends around me.. All i noe is that yesterday is gone thats what i tell myself .. sooner or so life seems to turns around and i will be strong even if it all goes wrong .. it doesn't matter wad ppl say or how long it takes.. it only matters how true uu are .. to follow ur heart.. at that time thats what i feel .. i will not breakdown coz of uu but that doesn;t mean that heart dun ache when i see things i dun wanan see and hear abt things i dun wish to hear.. u say u will heal the wound but have u ever thought of.. is it really goin to heal totally...
I said i am gone to look for someone to live for in this world .. its a lie as time goes by coz my meaning of gave up is gave up the hope of u by my side again.. not that i love uu no more.. no one is goin to replace it.. i tried being with someone else and tried to use someone to forget uu.. in the end it gets nowhere.. i found myself and ran away..
Now it seems that i got my stolen world back from her but so what.. i dun even noe if i am goin to be happie till the end .. friends asked me.. am i really happie now... wad i can say is yesh at times but no at times but i dunno which is more.. makes no sense to me somehow u're standing here its like nth is wrong in the first place.. there uu are waiting ... i dunno ... thats why we sort of argue last night.. i noe he may be angry when he read this but this is the only place i can express how i really feel.. its not dun trust at all is not totally but u r the one hu made this trust got lesser in the first place.. u said u understand but u dun understand me at all.. u just think that promises .. all the sweet promises will let me feel secure.. yes gerls will be touched but at second thought ... u made the same promises in the past but wad is the ending.. I trust uu its just not as much as lie in the past... for that i sincerely apologise but that is just to protect myself...
Is this just a detour? Coz i gotta be sure that uu really mean what uu say.. u tell me that u love me first then throw ur heart into reverse.. first uu wanna be free now u say u need me.. can't really make signals in signs.. is that wad they call only when u lose sth then u will cherish it more.. seriously i think that she isn't too true to uu.. though u were true to her.. if she is beri serious.. u will not feel the way uu felt .. sth i dare to say is i am more serious than her to uu... million tears for uu..u neber will know how someone is there for uu.. the one who will do stupid things just to let uu know how she feel...
running in the rain.. running to somewhere far away .. crying in the middle of the night.. goin to places they used to go.. acting happie when she have to see uu so happie with ur someone new.. getaway and leave silently out of ur life when she noe she dun bear to? and wadsoeva.. the more i think the more stupid i feel i am .. i will not let my heart cause so much misery again.. thats the reason .. but u dun understand.. u just got angry when u noe i cannot trust uu 100 percent
now uu noe hu is true to uu.. is it too late? i dunno...
Looks are decieving.. though ppl keep mistaking her as me and me as her.. and kept saying we looked alike.. but sth different is the way we feel for uu and our characters... there are many coincidence between us but the truth is i cannot even say goodbye but she can leave uu just like that..coz she found someone new or wadsoeva..
I gotta getaway..
Yo! I want you to know that i am a ordinary gerl but i am not just a plain jane next door. I am 18 this year. I am from the Singapore Polytechnic Media & Communications. I love to dance,host and sing I was born on 19 May 1991 I am stubbon at times but thats coz i know what i want in my life. I love Foursome and my family. I'm Jayne Toh!